Arbitrary & Particular

1. Call out sick.

2. Convert your desk chair into a makeshift Tilt-a-Whirl. When co-workers pause outside of your office, clearly confused by your continuous spinning, tell them the ride cost 2 tickets and they have to meet height requirements.

3. Create some type of launch mechanism using various office supplies. Paperclips, rubber bands, and pens will all do nicely. Use said device to launch wads of paper over cubicle into coworker/enemy territory.

4. Food thievery. Why bring your own lunch when you can steal somebody else’s?

5. Get to the office before everyone else and go around and smear super glue on all of the telephone receivers. One 9:30am hits, start calling your co-workers.

6. At the next round of water cooler talk, as everyone is sipping from their cup, announce, “So did ya hear one of the maintenance guys pissed in the water cooler?”

7. Place a small piece of tape on the clicker thingy on the phone so that when your boss answers, the phone continues to ring. Write resignation letter immediately.

8. Answer your phone, “911, please state your emergency.”

9. Drape your cubicle or office doorway in mosquito netting. Whenever you emerge, randomly slap at yourself the entire time you’re out in the open.

10. When all else fails: http://icanhascheezburger.com/.