Arbitrary & Particular

I have been in the pee-smelling city of New Orleans for the last several days attending a conference of medical madness. This time away included the precious, once-thought-untouchable-personal-days-of-rest-from-the-evil-place-also-known-as-work weekend; therefore, epic fail of the nonposting occurred. Pam, you have no excuse for nonblogging, although I must admit, you are the queen of this blog and I, a mere dunce, a jester, a mite in your blogging court. Today is my first day back at the office, and I have lost my mind.

To begin, I glanced over my cubicle wall–or fortress, really, barrier, doomsday blockade, if you will–through my boss’ door, and out the window to see a beautiful, sunshiney day. However, when I exited the building during my pseudobreak to run to the bank, there was rain. The level of grossness outside…is gross. I find myself wondering if I only imagined the sunshine, if it was just some strange vision, hallucination. Was it just the reflection of the light from the sun behind the clouds or was it a reflection of my soul, longing for escape?

The second misleading event of the day occurred in the morning. I received an email from a coworker, directing me (and the rest of the company, all CC’d) to the cookies in the kitchen. Joy! Sugary chocolate deliciousness! A knight in shining armor, rescuing this poor damsel from her fortress o’misery. A bit of sweetness in an otherwise epically dark time! But when I went to the kitchen, not long at all after the email was sent, THERE WERE NO COOKIES! What is this trickery, this black magic, this evilness? To say there are cookies when no cookies are to be found? Fail, I say, fail!

After my bank excursion, I returned to the dark, dismal place called my cubicle. I brushed misery aside and went back to work, glancing up at my screen occasionally to check emails or IMs. During one particular glance-up, I saw the words, “The city called. They want their fail back.” I looked down at my desk, realized what I had read, and glanced up again. The words were gone.

A few things immediately struck me. Sadly, the first thing was: Why is the city a “they” and not an “it”? City should be singular, damnit! Second, I scolded myself for having grammatically incorrect hallucinations. But then I began to contemplate the meaning of this vision. It is already fast fading, but I believe it was in an email; the words were not just floating freely across my screen, but rather caged in Entourage, the way my soul is caged in this cube.

Am I that city? Am I failing? Or is the city trying to take the fail away from me? And what city could this be? The questions are endless. As is this day, my entrapment in this cell-cube-like space, and this LIFE!

-Alice